You don't need to be diagnosed with BPD to understand what it's like to have it
Recently I have been studying and researching borderline personality disorder for my Disease class. In this class, we are learning about mental disorders such as autism and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. We read a book called The Reason I Jump which is a book about autism by a person diagnosed with autism. Our task is to research a mental disorder and to provide an interactive activity. The interactive activity is to help others understand what it’s like to have this disorder or experience what it’s like to talk with someone who does.
BPD is a mental disorder that disrupts your mood, behavior, and functioning. It creates a big instability in their emotions and can be really troubling in one’s daily life. In better words from a Mayo Clinic article because they are a reliable source.
“Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships.”
Some other symptoms include:
Some behaviors the symptoms may cause are unstable intense emotions. This can also cause a fear of abandonment and going to extreme measures to avoid real or fake interactions of being abandoned, or rejected.
“People often discuss BPD by describing an "emptiness." For me, it's more an oscillation between the impossibly empty and the impossibly full. I keep seeing my neighbor's pool in winter, just an empty bowl of dusty blue tiles. Imagine standing in the middle of that, when suddenly the pool fills up. In an instant, you're drowning. People describe BPD like that: a flip. A big switch going off in an invisible instant” -Patrick Marlborough, author for VICE. This is a good example of what it’s like to have BPD. The instant of a mood swing and impulsive behavior.
BPD is impacted by the hippocampus in the brain. The hippocampus is responsible for mood regulation, memory and helps navigate the environment. This affects BPD because they struggle with mood regulation.
Although BPD affects mood regulation, it is not an attention seeking disorder or a need to manipulate you. Neither of these things are true. BPD is more of an outburst of emotions. They can feel different emotions very quickly and feel the full effect. For example, they can get very sad quickly, and it’s not that they need attention, it's that they actually feel sad. People diagnosed with BPD aren’t trying to manipulate you in any sense. They simply do not know how to cope. Most cases of BPD they have such a strong fear of abandonment and rejection that they use crazy measures to get reassurance. This can be saying things like “you don’t love me anymore” or asking and saying “do you love me? Do you need me? I need you please don’t leave me. I'll be so sad if you go. Please don’t leave.” (etc.).
Some other symptoms include:
- Distorted self-image
- Feelings of emptiness or isolation for long periods of time
- Feelings dissociation and disconnect to reality. Viewing yourself in the third person
- Suicidal threats or self-injury (cutting oneself)
- Inappropriate outbursts of anger or intense emotions
- Impulsive behaviors such as gambling, having unsafe sex, substance abuse, wreckless driving, and binge eating
- A pattern of unstable relationships with friends and family; often getting very close and then very distant in these relationships
- Feelings of love (idolization) and extreme anger and dislike (devaluation)
“People often discuss BPD by describing an "emptiness." For me, it's more an oscillation between the impossibly empty and the impossibly full. I keep seeing my neighbor's pool in winter, just an empty bowl of dusty blue tiles. Imagine standing in the middle of that, when suddenly the pool fills up. In an instant, you're drowning. People describe BPD like that: a flip. A big switch going off in an invisible instant” -Patrick Marlborough, author for VICE. This is a good example of what it’s like to have BPD. The instant of a mood swing and impulsive behavior.
BPD is impacted by the hippocampus in the brain. The hippocampus is responsible for mood regulation, memory and helps navigate the environment. This affects BPD because they struggle with mood regulation.
Although BPD affects mood regulation, it is not an attention seeking disorder or a need to manipulate you. Neither of these things are true. BPD is more of an outburst of emotions. They can feel different emotions very quickly and feel the full effect. For example, they can get very sad quickly, and it’s not that they need attention, it's that they actually feel sad. People diagnosed with BPD aren’t trying to manipulate you in any sense. They simply do not know how to cope. Most cases of BPD they have such a strong fear of abandonment and rejection that they use crazy measures to get reassurance. This can be saying things like “you don’t love me anymore” or asking and saying “do you love me? Do you need me? I need you please don’t leave me. I'll be so sad if you go. Please don’t leave.” (etc.).
These are real feelings and not that they need your attention. What they are seeking is reassurance. They will need constant reassurance from whoever they are with. Especially within romantic and sexual relationships they need constant reassurance. They are not trying to manipulate you to stay, they simply do not always know how to deal with their anxiety and overwhelming sadness.
The DSM-5 is a very reliable source of information for mental disorders. There are a few patterns/statistics in BPD:
If you are in a relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD, treat them like any other person with specific personality traits. Having a relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD isn’t impossible. The first thing you can do is understand the disorder and learn what someone’s triggers are. One you understand what kind of things can upset someone you simply avoid those topics or bring them up in an appropriate manner. Patience is the best way to understand anyone. Anyone diagnosed with anything is still a person with a label, just treat them accordingly.
When you know what those things are, you can help by avoiding or treading lightly. Patience is helpful, as in with most cases. Someone with BPD is just a person, so treat them accordingly. By working with this activity, you will notice that it's very similar to just talking with any other person in a relationship. Use your empathy skills to understand someone else’s perspective and be mindful it is not their intention to upset you.
The DSM-5 is a very reliable source of information for mental disorders. There are a few patterns/statistics in BPD:
- “Borderline personality disorder is about five times more common among first-degree biological relatives of those with the disorder than in the general population.”
- “Borderline personality disorder is diagnosed predominantly (about 75%) in females.”
If you are in a relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD, treat them like any other person with specific personality traits. Having a relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD isn’t impossible. The first thing you can do is understand the disorder and learn what someone’s triggers are. One you understand what kind of things can upset someone you simply avoid those topics or bring them up in an appropriate manner. Patience is the best way to understand anyone. Anyone diagnosed with anything is still a person with a label, just treat them accordingly.
When you know what those things are, you can help by avoiding or treading lightly. Patience is helpful, as in with most cases. Someone with BPD is just a person, so treat them accordingly. By working with this activity, you will notice that it's very similar to just talking with any other person in a relationship. Use your empathy skills to understand someone else’s perspective and be mindful it is not their intention to upset you.
Works cited
Admin. “Borderline Personality Disorder: How It Feels from the Inside.” Global Health Mag, Global Health Mag, 27 Sept. 2021, https://globalhealthmagz.com/borderline-personality-disorder-how-it-feels-from-the-inside/.
“Borderline Personality Disorder.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 17 July 2019, https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237.
“Borderline Personality Disorder.” National Institute of Mental Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder.
PowerofPositivity. “10 Behaviors That Reveal Borderline Personality Disorder.” Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude, 17 June 2021, https://www.powerofpositivity.com/borderline-personality-disorder-10-behaviors/.
Reviewed by Kristina Ackermann Last Updated: March 7, 2022. “Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Causes, Types & Treatment.” American Addiction Centers, 7 Mar. 2022, https://americanaddictioncenters.org/co-occurring-disorders/bpd.
Weinbrecht, Anna, et al. “Processing of Increased Frequency of Social Interaction in Social Anxiety Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.” Nature News, Nature Publishing Group, 9 Mar. 2021, https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-021-85027-6.
“What It's like to Have Borderline Personality Disorder.” VICE, https://www.vice.com/en/article/9b83wa/how-it-feels-to-suffer-borderline-personality-disorder.
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